For those of us who live in constant contact with depression it is impossible for us to reach a state of mood or complete happiness, for example, right now I am in the process of depression again, I notice it because I am again without wanting to leave, Without wanting to do anything, wanting to be lonely, in a bad mood, with my sharpest oddities, I have plenty left over, I don't want to talk, I don't want to hear, I notice that I'm sinking back into the well, as it happened to me A few months ago, it is something I have to live with, the professionals have already told me that what I have is for a lifetime and that I will suffer in one way or another throughout it.
This past week I went to the emergency psychiatrist because I was beginning to notice, the symptoms I mean, and I refused to go back to another month locked, I also have a lot to do and I can not afford to be in bed as if nothing, the medication that I have been carrying for a long time has risen a little and I added a new antidepressant pill to see if we can achieve that this time does not fall completely and can overcome it without so much mood or mood mismatch.
The truth is that at the moment I am not noticing any change or improvement, but hey, just a few days ago of the medication change, it will be necessary to give it at least a couple of weeks to see if it works and allows me to continue my life normally, while So much here I continue, wanting to write, yes, I do not know why these days I am inspired and has given me to write, and also sincerely dome to the wild, which is very rare in me.
The fact is that I almost prefer to go through this new depression now than not in two months, maybe my daughters come like last year for Christmas and I would like to be in good mental state to be able to enjoy them as I did the other year, no I would like to have a bad time and give them a bad drink to them for seeing me unable to move or in a bad mood or not wanting to go out or do anything with them, I do not want them to think that I am still sick, in fact they do not know that I am still medicating me and in treatment, for them I am normal, retired and with a little bit, but fine.
I thought it would be the best, not to overwhelm them with my things so that they did not worry about me, they have enough now with the bachelor and the institute to have to worry about a sick father, they can also do nothing to remedy it, enough that I talk to them almost every day, and that encourages me a lot and makes me want to move on with my life, the truth is that yes, they are a sun of creatures.
Anyway, I'm almost getting used to being alone and locked up, and now it starts to get cold and I don't want to go out so much, I don't know, I need to look for excuses to be able to stay locked in my room, it's the only way I have to convince myself that what happens to me is normal and that what I do is well done, although in reality I know it is not so, but hey, I don't know what else I can do.
Already when they gave me the absolute disability they left me blocked and without knowing what to do, thinking that they had given me to be useless, and now with three depressions almost followed the one who really thinks that if I am useless I am, I do not know what to do the truth , I am disconsolate, I do not think I can have a solution in any way, since neither sex makes me leave the house, it is something that I did not think could happen to me, but it is true, it is happening to me again, here I am again, locked up, without illusions, with nothing to do, thinking of a thousand crazy things, without leaving the room, again locked in my dark and fragile world.
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