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the whore kicks

Published by: Ricardo

Have been made:2 comments

As you know I suffer from chronic anxiety, that means that I am always nervous lost, but on certain occasions I get more nervous than on others, when there are many people around me, when I am with a pretty girl, when I do not feel comfortable in the conversation …… In those specific moments, and not in others, it is when the whore kicks me loose, and it is nothing more than an uncontrollable tremor of my right leg that makes my whole body vibrate to the sound of a marimba, the leg starts to shake me in an uncontrolled way, it's like I'm possessed, I can't do anything to stop it. The bad thing about all this is that I have the habit of having my arms on the table where we are sitting at that moment, and of course, the vibration of my whole body passes to the table and therefore also happens to people who They are sitting with me and leaning on the table, I imagine that most of them will think that I am pissing and that I do not want to go for not looking bad, I do not know. The fact is that this defect of mine has led me [There is more to read, click here ...]
deranged

Published by: Ricardo

Have been made:3 comments

I feel distressed by everything that surrounds me, I am a month to know if they give me permanent disability or not, I still have no insurance, although my psychiatrist and the doctors who have seen me agree that they will give it to me, everything and so I am not so clear at all. I feel overwhelmed by people, yesterday I was forced to go out to the market to change some shoes because my mother brought them two smaller numbers than I fit, the amount of people who had produced me a tremendous stupor, no I could feel more overwhelmed in my life, huge numbers of people surrounding me, talking and shouting, with cars and bags, bumping into each other, it seemed like a real crowd. I no longer know where to hide, today I went out to buy tobacco on Sunday morning and I met a friend who made me stay for coffee with him, luckily at the bar there were not many people, but I have not felt very comfortable, I've been nervous, looking everywhere, my hands were sweating, just waiting for the time to finish coffee [There is more to read, click here ...]
headaches

Published by: Ricardo

Have been made:0 comments

I find it incredible how many laps I give it to my head, it goes a thousand percent, it is somewhat overwhelming the amount of things I think at the same time, and no good, yes, I think again about leaving everything and to die, is something that is always there but that now comes back with more force, I suppose that I started by entering again in depression that I am suffering, but the headaches are not taken away from me by anyone. Luckily at the moment I hold on well, I have not drunk again, I have been clean for nine months, and drugs nothing at all, I am totally clean, because if I returned again I am sure that I would have tried again. My docile and subtle friendships with death have been three, the three unsuccessful, but three times I have tried to take my life, luckily there has always been someone who has called one hundred and twelve on time and nothing has happened, but I would not like to reach the fourth, and I see myself in the childish decay I felt when I tried the other times. I'm still hopeful [There is more to read, click here ...]
liar smile

Published by: Ricardo

Have been made:2 comments

Feeling sunk is the worst thing that can happen to a person, not having courage at all, or going out, or talking, or doing absolutely nothing, it is something I don't know how to explain, I really don't want it to anyone, It's a bad thing that shouldn't happen, neither me nor anyone, it's something horrendous, nauseating, malefic. Having to put a liar smile at all times to look good before everyone, smile without wanting to do it, show your teeth without encouragement to do it, smile simply because you play, because someone has said something funny, and although you don't you want to do it you must smile, you must do it because it is what it touches, you cannot stay serious in your miserable darkness, that liar smile that we all hide even if we do not want to, that smile. I personally find it harder and harder to take her out for a walk, every time I find myself more sunk as if to smile for nothing, I don't feel like feeling happy, it's like a bitterness that I carry inside that prevents me from feeling good, I think I got used to my bad to be, to my life, to my darkness, to my sadness, to my room, to my loneliness. The [There is more to read, click here ...]
I could already see my daughters

Published by: Ricardo

Have been made:2 comments

Yes, they were here at the end, it was only three days, but I enjoyed them to the fullest, I could enjoy my two daughters for three wonderful days without any problem, I behaved like a champion, I had no anxiety crisis, well , I cried a little when I saw them arrive, yes, but that is normal. Although I thought it would be the opposite, her mother left them for me almost all the time, she stayed at the hotel and let me be the one who was with them all the time, that gave us to much since being the three alone we could intimate much more than if his mother had been too. The only problem is that it was only three days, it was too short for me, time went by so fast for me, the three days went by like three hours, I was too short for the time they were by my side, I enjoyed it to the fullest , yes, but it was a short time they were with me. Now I am in the negative phase, somewhat depressed and sulking, I want to think that it is normal, since now I miss them a lot [There is more to read, click here ...]